i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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