I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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