Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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