there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
