I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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