for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
