yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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