Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
