the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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