Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
