grandma shit on top of the toilet
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
