Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
