ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
your like the ambassador to my penis.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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