Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
