I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
