You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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