Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
