omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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