I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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