Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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