my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
