I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Every concussion has its silver lining
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
