the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
