i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
