You smell like stripper and shame
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
