when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize