Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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