I'm really into asian looking animals
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
