I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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