you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
