i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
