remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
