Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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