I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
