after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
