I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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