all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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