Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
