Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Alive.
So much puke
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
