R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize