hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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