after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
