it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Randomize