She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
