dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
