my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
