My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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