Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
