I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
