He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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