I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
