I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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