when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
We smell like vodka and hangover
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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