There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
