I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Randomize
