I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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