he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize