You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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