I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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