I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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