I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
