He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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