I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
