apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
