we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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