Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
