pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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