Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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