I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
