i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize