I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
