I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
