I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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