i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Boobs are out for the taking
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
