Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Randomize
