I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
