hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
