i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
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