Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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