if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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