Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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