I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
