Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
